Raymond Thomas Milite 2/9/1943- 8/10/2010

My dad died last week.

My dad was born the second son to Teresa Casserly and George Milite. He was born in Manhattan, NY. Well, technically, he was born in a cab on the way to the hospital in Manhattan, or so he said...
My grandparents lived in a small town in New York called Liberty. My grandfather was a widow with one daughter, Mary. My grandparents also had an older son, Robert.

My dad never really talked much about growing up. As kids we'd get a few random stories about my grandpa. Apparently, my grandpa did a lot of things from driving a truck for the local grocery store to owning/managing a motor inn.

My dad in 1947. If this picture were in color and the clothes were a little more updated, this could be my nephew Atticus. They look very much alike.
My dad with his grandmother, Jean Casserly.

As I said, I never really got a lot of details about my dad when he was younger. I know that he was a big sports guy. In high school, he played basketball, football and baseball. Of course, I have no idea what positions he played. One of his favorite pictures was of him in his football uniform.

In 1962, he joined the Navy. I'm not sure how he started out. Below is my dad in his uniform shortly after his enlistment. He was 19.


He & my mom met while they were both in the Navy. They married on March 25, 1966.
At the time, the Navy would send you where they needed you regardless of where they sent your spouse. In order to get out of the Navy, my mom had to get pregnant. That's where I come in. I was born on December 23, 1966.


My dad was a radioman on nuclear submarines. He would go out to sea for 3 months at a time. I think initially, he was on a boat called the USS John Adams. In retrospect, based on photos that I see, I think he really enjoyed his time in the Navy. At some point in his Naval career, he was stationed in Hawaii. That's where my sister was born.
That's me & my dad after he just came in from sea duty.

He spent about 20 years in the Navy. We followed him around all over the place. When we left Hawaii we went to Maryland where my dad had shore duty. That was during the Viet Nam war. They only wore their uniforms once a week because of all the protesters.


My dad in his dress uniform - this is in our house in Maryland.
On his way back out on patrol. That's my sister behind him.

From there we went to Charleston, South Carolina. I think it was then that he transferred to the USS George Bancroft, another nuclear submarine. He was on that boat from 1974 - 1978.
My dad on patrol aboard the USS George Bancroft - December 1974.

After Charleston, we went to Pensacola, Florida where, once again, my dad had shore duty. My dad retired from the Navy in 1981 at NAS Dallas.
Retirement in April of 1981.

After the Navy, he used the skills he learned as a radioman to get into telephony. He worked for US Tel and Sprint in Dallas for a number of years.

My parents separated before I graduated high school. That was a really interesting dynamic. They managed to stay civil to one another during and after the separation. They divorced in 1989 but stayed friends.

During the separation, my dad moved back to Florida to a town called Sanford (a town outside Orlando) to work for a company called Astronet. It was here that he met Marina Villavres. They married in 1989 and moved to Deltona, Florida - another town outside of Orlando.
My dad, Tresa, Marina and Atticus - Phoenix Arizona.

My dad would come to Dallas on occasion to visit but other than that my sister & I didn't see him much. As we got older and busier we spent less time visiting and more time on the phone. Our relationship with him wasn't really very strong. I'm sure a psychiatrist would have a field day with us. I can't speak for my sister, but my relationship with my dad was probably pretty typical. I was always looking for his approval.

As an adult, I think my dad finally came to respect the fact that I was happy and "successful". In other words, I had done well in my career and was respected by my peers so that must mean something good.
Dad and Grandma at New Smyra beach - 1998.

About 2 or 3 years ago, my dad had a pacemaker put in. He was fine, he just had an irregular heartbeat. Then about a year ago, he mentioned to me that he seemed to be really out of breath all the time. He went to the doctor and found that he had congenital heart failure. He started going to the Mayo clinic in Jacksonville. For about a year, he went back and forth. They told him that he needed a heart transplant AND a kidney transplant. In July of this year, the Mayo clinic doctors finally told him they wouldn't put him on the transplant list because his body couldn't handle a double transplant. He was put on dialysis to help his kidneys.

On August 10 at 6:30 PM EST, his body gave out. I didn't make it in time. I got there at 11:30 pm. I thought I'd have more time. I still can't believe he's gone.

My dad was different things to different people. I learned a lot from him. One thing I got from him was a love of food. He always insisted we try everything once. If we didn't like it, we didn't have to eat it but we had to try it. He love good deli food. Give him a good hot dog or a real pastrami sandwich and he's on cloud nine. I think because of this, I'm a little snobbish when it comes to deli food, hot dogs especially. Dad was also very big on veggies. We ate all kinds of veggies as kids.

He was not the perfect dad and we didn't always get along but ultimately, he was MY dad. I love him and I will miss him.