It's taken me a while to get this together. Every time I start, I find I have to stop. I can't believe my mom is gone. She was my best friend and my biggest fan. I thought she'd always be here. We used to do everything together. We used to stalk Troy Aikman back in the glory days of the Dallas Cowboys. We would go to the movies and eat movie food. Sometimes, we'd stay home and just watch old movies. As an adult, when I was sick, my mom would take off work and come stay with me.
My mom was fun and she was funny. She had a wacky sense of humor and once we got to laughing, we would laugh until we cried. She was the best mom a girl could ask for.
She was born in a small town just outside of El Paso called Anthony. Her parents divorced when she was about three.
While in the Navy, my mom met my dad. He was in the Navy as well. The story she told me was that on base there was some guy that was causing trouble. Mom and her friend thought it was my dad so they turned him in. I guess that's how they met. For the record, it wasn't him. They married in March of 1966.
When I was two or three, we were stationed in Hawai'i. My dad would go "out to sea". Basically, he would spend three months at a time on the submarine then he'd get three months of R&R. We would stay home with all the other Navy families. My mom learned to drive from one of the other Navy wives. The lady told her, "Hon, if you're gonna be a Navy wife, then you need to learn to drive!" And so she did. When my dad's crew was relieved, we'd dress up and go meet him at the airport.
While in Hawai'i, on January 3, 1971, my sister was born. I think she was born on Superbowl Sunday. They had to call my dad back to the hospital.
Shortly after that, we were transferred to Baltimore, Maryland where my dad had shore duty. That was at the height of the Viet Nam War. My dad had to dress in civilian clothes because of all the protestors. My mom loved "dressing" my dad.
From Baltimore, we went to Charleston, SC. We lived on one side of a two-story duplex on the base. My mom used the GI bill and went back to school. She got an associates degree in secretarial sciences. She also started sewing. She used to make clothes for me and my sister and clothes for my Barbie dolls. Every time we were transferred, my dad was out to sea so it was up to my mom to make sure that everything got packed, the house was cleaned and that we all got to where we needed to be.
When it was just "us girls", things were generally more relaxed. Saturday mornings meant house cleaning. My mom would put on her Neil Diamond records and we all would dance around the house as we cleaned. My mom even tried to teach us both to dance. She was not successful.
Next was Pensacola, FL. My mom got a job and worked at West Florida Hospital as a secretary for the patient education department. Since my mom was working, I had to do all the cooking. I would get home from school and then call my mom and she would stay on the phone with me and tell me what to do to make dinner. That's how I learned to cook.
Finally, we landed in Dallas, TX where my dad retired from the service. Well, technically, Grand Prairie, TX. My uncle lived near by and we always did stuff with them. When my parents split up, my grandmother came to live with us when she retired. Holidays were so much fun.
My parents split up when I was in high school. My dad traveled a lot and when my sister graduated high school in 1989, he gave us all his airline miles, etc. to take a trip back to Hawai'i.
I think that this was the best vacation my mother ever had. We flew first class, back when first class was actually something special. We stayed at a fancy hotel. Ed and Cheryl met us there and we all hung out for ten days. It was fun. I think over the years my mother romanticized this trip so that no other trip could compare.
This was a trip back to El Paso. My grandmother didn't want to travel but we sweet-talked her into it. When my grandmother retired, she moved to Grand Prairie and lived with my mom until she passed away in 2002.
My mother's favorite people in the entire world were her grandchildren. Atticus loved being with my mom. When she was around and he was little, he would follow her around or be on her all the time.
A souvenir photo from a tour we took in San Antonio.
Our next trip was to Vicksburg, MS. This was a really cool trip. We found a spot right next to the Mississippi River. We could have walked right up to the edge and dipped our toe in the river. That was discouraged, though.
Harper loved being with my mom too. My mom worried that when she passed away, the kids wouldn't remember her. Needless to say, that is not the case.
My mother LOVED Neil Diamond. Mom was rather introverted. She didn't like to do things by herself. But, when Neil came to Dallas, she went to BOTH concerts by herself. When we found out that Neil would be in Phoenix for his 50th anniversary tour, my sister got tickets and the three of us went. I think my mom was beside herself excited.
By that time, she didn't really like going out much but for Neil, well....and add in her two favorite daughters...We all had so much fun!
When I was in high school, we started taking little vacations together. We went to San Antonio in August (not recommended!).
She found out she had six brothers in San Francisco but didn't want to go visit by herself so I went with her.
When I graduated college, we went to Miami and Key West in August (also not recommended). That's us in Key West at the most southern point of the U.S.
Mom and I started doing little weekend trips. I'd say, "Mom, do you want to..." and before I finished, she was packed and at my house. These became the "Adventures of Me and Mom". Our first trip was to Oklahoma City. We had a blast. This is mom in front of the waterfall.
Right before the pandemic, we went to Paris, Tx. This was a cool little town about an hour and a half outside of Dallas. This was a little hometown diner where we had lunch. Paris was only a day trip but it was just as fun as any of the other trips we took.
During the pandemic, mom caught up on her general health care. She had several doctor's appointments but wouldn't go unless I went with her, which was fine. So that became our new thing. Go to this doc, go to that doc, get a little breakfast. Things were going pretty well.
Then my mom got sick. In Feb 2021, she got an infection in her foot that put her in ICU. She was unconscious for a week. When she woke up, she looked at me and said, "Where have you been? I've been looking for you. I've missed you." Of course, I'd been sitting there every day hoping and praying that she'd wake up.
She stayed in ICU for another week and then went to rehab for two weeks. I was up there most days and if not there in person, I called her on the phone. When she got out of rehab, she had a difficult time as she had to use a walker to get around and she would get very worn out. Then four months later, she had a stroke. That affected her eyesight and her memory as well as her appetite, which wasn't very good to begin with. She had a PT nurse come three times a week and a caregiver that came daily. Once, the PT nurse tired her out so much that mom passed out. The poor nurse thought mom had a heart attack and called 9-1-1. I had to go to the ER. When I finally got back to mom's room, she asked what took me so long. She was ready to go home.
Once she had the stroke, I spoke to her every night to make sure she was okay. She and I had to practice how to answer the phone. She wasn't always successful so if she didn't answer the first time around, I always needed to call back. I would go to her house twice a week to refill her meds and make sure she had groceries and just to hang out. She still had a caregiver during the day but Mom couldn't get out of bed without passing out so she was effectively bedridden. It drove her crazy! Things like working the remote control for the TV were very difficult. My uncle was over the everyday helping her when she would accidentally change the channel.
This is the last picture I took with my mom. Atticus started college at Arizona State and sent her a t-shirt. She was so excited she was practically in tears.
Then three months later, she had another stroke. That was even more devastating. We thought there was a chance for her to have some semblance of a life after the first stroke but after the second, things didn't look good. Everyone came to see her. The grandkids came and that was a particularly special day for mom and the kids.
After that second stroke, she stopped eating all together and she needed 24 hour care. She didn't want to leave her house but we really didn't have much choice. My sister and I found a private residence for her that was close to me. The day that we were supposed to move her, three weeks after the second stroke, she passed away. I guess she got her wish.
It just seemed so odd to me that nobody could or would take the time to figure out what was wrong with her. Why she wouldn't eat? At one point, I think she knew. She told me that "when it was time", we were both just going to have to accept it. That was easier for her than me.
I miss my mother more than I thought possible. But as she said, she had a great life.
Delia Jacquez Milite
4/30/1946 - 11/20/2021
